Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
