I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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