Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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