I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
