Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
