trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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