Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
