She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
