i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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