THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
