Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
