On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
