Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
