i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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