Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
