can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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