Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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