Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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