I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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