Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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