So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
