never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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