I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
did you just send me my own nude
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
