Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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