HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
