my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
