Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
