bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
