i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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