Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
