a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
