had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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