i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
