just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
