I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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