I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
