6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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