Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
