take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
