i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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