I accidentally had phone sex last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
