i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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