are you so shy because you have an std?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
