I'm gonna have a badass scar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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