jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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