I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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