I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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