you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
