i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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