After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize