Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
