my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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