i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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