I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
