dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to be your penis for a week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
