oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
