I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
