It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
