I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
