I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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