did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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