Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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