Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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