I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
