Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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