Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
