life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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