Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
