A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
