these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
