i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
