Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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