You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
