cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
