Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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