a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
