True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
